February 24th, 2012

Well, I know it's been two weeks since I posted, but to be honest with you....I haven't really been doing all that great! I have been so sidetracked since mine and Brock's birthday's and just like I did through the holidays....I have gotten off track and I am struggling to get back on the wagon. I've got one leg up on the side, but the wagon is driving faster than I can pull the rest of me up there! I even said to someone this week that I don't know if I will EVER reach my goal weight........DO WHAT????? What am I thinking? Am I really ready to accept where I am and give up completely on my end goal??? Did I really come this far to give up now??? Some days I think so! Just like before surgery when life throws me a curve ball, I tend to turn to that good ole' southern comfort...food! I don't know if we ever really conquer the head thing. In talking to others who have had weight loss surgery, I find that most of them NEVER allow themselves to have sweets and carbs at all. Am I really that different??? I still LOVE food, and the thought of never having something sweet or bread again....well, let's just say I'm not sure it's realistic for me. However, I do know that moderation is definitely key.....and yes, although it's not usually really bad anymore, I do still dump when I have too much sugar. Another thing I notice more and more is that while there are some days when I can only eat small amounts of food, there are other days that I feel like I can (and am) eating almost as much as I did prior to surgery. I still struggle with knowing when to give up......i.e....Michael wanted omelets tonight, so we fixed omelets, well I was full at half, but I sat and ate slowly till I finished it.....why didn't I stop at half??? I really don't know.....surely it's not that old thing my mother used to say about the kids in China???? IS IT??? I won't say that it really has to do with the kids in China, but I think it does have to do with the fact that as kids we're told we have to finish everything on our plates, so when we grow up we still think we have to finish "everything" on our plates. Okay, so here's a concept.....why don't we put "less" on our plates????? HMMMM.....

HOLIDAY WEIGHT IS GONE...WOO HOO!!!

I just couldn't wait a week to post this....but I have lost ALL of the five pounds I gained during the holidays plus one!!! YESSSSSS!!!!!!!! Of other notable mention, is that going through my closet last night looking for a shirt to wear under my sweater today, I pulled out a blouse that I wore last summer with a t-shirt under it because it was too tight to button and wear alone. I put the shirt on to check it out and lo and behold....IT BUTTONED!!!! WOO HOO!!!! It is a good day!!!

I can hear Mama shouting from heaven for me today! Michael used to say when he was little that Granny is baking chocolate cakes in heaven now.....I can't wait to get there and eat one of those cakes that doesn't have the calories!

Almost February!

I can hardly believe that January is gone!!! I have still only lost 4 of the 5 lbs I gained during the holidays, but that's okay....4 lbs in a month isn't too bad. Prior to surgery I would have been thrilled to have lost all but 1 lb of my holiday weight by the end of January. The big challenge for February will be mine and Brock's birthdays are this month, and of course it's Valentine's Day. We tend to eat a lot over our birthday weekend. I suppose we should be thankful that we have both birthday's and Valentine's Day all together, so we can get it done in a few days and have the rest of the month to recover.

I have noticed that my clothes are feeling better because I have been walking at work, so that's a good thing. I do have this one pair of pants that Lynn picked up for me last year at Lane Bryant that are a size 14, that are still just a smidgin' too tight. My goal for February is to get into those pants by the end of the month.....hmmm......we'll see!

Finally Starting to Get It Together!

I believe I am finally starting to get it together....yesss! I did some real soul searching this week and did some more research in an effort to help me get it together, and I think I may finally have it! I weighed this morning and I have now lost 4 of the 5 lbs. I gained over the holidays. I have been walking consistently for three weeks now, and after doing some research I have discovered (what I really already knew) that I have been sabotaging my weight loss by having too many calories still. I decided to look at the gastric bypass information again and realized that I have indeed been grazing.....NOT GOOD! Grazing is where you eat a little at a time, but you pretty much eat all day long....and yes....that's what I've been doing. I've also been careless about eating carbs, and of course sugar since the holidays. One example of my carelessness is...when we go to a movie I get a small popcorn = carbs and a "large" Icee = sugar! Yes....it's true! This is just a sample of some of the things I've been doing which don't seem too bad at the time, but when I realized just how often this exact type of thing happens...that's when I realized...it's my fault I'm not reaching my goal....DUH!!!

So, last night when we went to the movies I made the decision before I went that even though I had a "$2.00 off coupon" for popcorn that I was not going to eat popcorn.....those coupons really mess with my head. I tend to feel like if I have a coupon to save money I "MUST" take advantage of it, right???? Well, amazingly enough I went last night and didn't use my $2.00 coupon, had unsweetened tea left from my dinner which I took in with me, and guess what??? I came home with about $10.00 more than if I had used my $2.00 coupon and gotten an Icee!!! How cool is that??? Amazing how that happens, and you know what else??? I stayed within my calorie range for the day.....even more amazing!!! Thus I wake up this morning, weigh and I have "lost weight".....WOW!!!

So...my goal for this next week is to stop grazing and stay within my 1200 calorie per day range, cut the sugar and carbs....hmmm...we'll see what happens!

Still Struggling.....But It's Okay

Yes, it's two weeks since the holiday's ended, but I am still struggling to get back on track. I did manage to get one more pound off this week, so I just have three of my five pounds I gained over the holidays to lose now. I have walked everyday this week and I'm slowly, but surely getting closer to getting back on track. Proof yet again that they did not fix my head!

I remember talking to people who had been through gastric bypass prior to my surgery and they told me they had no desire for chocolate or sugar. So when I had my surgery I was sure that I would lose my desire for all the foods (mostly sweets) I love and crave. It did in the early days; I couldn't stand the thought of sugar, what I didn't realize, and what nobody told me was that eventually those things would come back to haunt me.

The winter is definitely proving to be difficult for me again as well. I am so bored sitting at the house when I come home from work and there is absolutely nothing on TV these days. So I sit there in the evenings and want to eat. With all the energy I have you would think I would get some much needed work on the house done, but instead I sit at my computer and play games most of the night trying to keep food off my mind. Definitely looking forward to Spring!

Me in My Before Pants.....Size 26!!!

Difficulty Starting Over

Well, here it is Friday, January 6th and I am definitely realizing the effects of "letting go" through the holidays. Getting back on the right track has proven to be more difficult than I anticipated. Journaling has gone well, but I am still facing those daily demons of "unexpected occurrences". Example: Yesterday Michael and Keith decided to bring me lunch.....well, I had already had my day planned out, so when they brought me lunch it completely messed me up. Instead of 160 calorie lunch of PB2 and sugar free jelly, I had Zaxby's chicken, a few fries and bread....total calories of 460; 300 more than I had planned. NOW....mind you IF I had just had two pieces of chicken and left it at that, I might have been okay with that at a total of 173 calories. Also, keeping in mind that I ate three chicken strips, only ate a few fries and didn't eat all the bread, but the increase of calories for that extra piece of chicken, few fries and 1/2 bread was detrimental in messing up my entire day of caloric intake. Then last night instead of eating light like I had planned, we unexpectedly went out and ended up eating fast food of Wendy's, and again....I ate too much food.....blew me off the charts w/ my goal of 1200 calories.

So, the moral of my story is......that slippery slope is very dangerous and once I go down it, it is very difficult to for me to get back on track....HOWEVER, I refuse to give up and today is a completely new day and I still have 37 more pounds to lose......so today I pledge to stay on track no matter what comes up.

The good thing about this week; my foot is better and I have been walking again this week. So...I guess the week hasn't been a total loss, plus I have lost 1 of the 5 lbs I gained through the holidays. I will be doing some updated pictures over the next week and am even planning on pulling out the clothes I had on in my very first picture and taking a picture with them on....hmmmm!