Saturday, August 27th, 2011

Well, I am soooo.......close to that 199 mark, in fact yesterday I got up and weighed and the scale said "199.8", so I stepped off and moved the scale and stepped back up, and "199.8", so then I reached for my camera to take a picture and stepped up again and it said "200.4"....LOL!!! So I am not going to say it yet....but it's coming baby, it's coming!!! LOL!!!

I will be leaving Monday morning early to go see Michael in Connecticut, so I will have to go a whole week without weighing or posting. Hopefully by the time I get back I will be able to post that I have fallen into "Onederland"! Still praying for the storm to pass quickly and not do much damage up there so we will be able to go have a good time, and get to take our day trip into New York City. More than all that though, I am just looking so forward to seeing my sweet son! I miss him so much, and am looking forward to getting to celebrate his 27th birthday with him before I leave to come home! His birthday is September 5th, Labor Day this year, so we are going to celebrate it next Saturday night before I leave to come home on Sunday. Keith and I went out this evening to buy a card for him, and Keith said "This is his first birthday we haven't been able to spend with him", I asked him if he was sad about that and he said "kind of, yea". You know with all the mistakes we've made parenting and all of the things we've been through with our boys, seeing how ALL of us have dealt with Michael's moving away has been so wonderful for me to see that while Satan has tried his best to destroy our family in the past few years, God is still in control, and we all still love each other so much!!! Now that's something to be thankful for!!! Satan has not been able to destroy our love for each other, that's something that Keith and I have done right; and we will continue clinging to the Lord's promise that he will take care of our sons. I believe that our family is on the verge of receiving some wonderful blessings and I am so excited and can't wait to see what it is that God has in store for us! We are truly blessed!

I am curious to see how I handle being on vacation this week with eating. I told Keith I will have to work extra hard to not eat things that might make me sick, I mean heck, I'm going to have a good time and I don't have time to spend any of it sick and miserable! Packing along protein bars and pretzel filled peanut butter to help make sure I get the protein in. Hope you all have a wonderful week, and I'm looking forward to making my next post about "ONEDERLAND"!!!! Woo Hoo!!!

ONE MORE POUND TO GO!!!

WOO HOO!!!! As of today I am "ONE" pound from "onederland"! I got up this morning and weighed and sure enough the scale said 200....so I moved it and stepped on again and 200, moved it again and stepped on again, 200!!! After about 4 times I accepted it as real and not just some joke from my scale. Stay posted everyone....."onederland" is just around the bend! :)

I'm Back!!!

Well, this is not totally related to weight loss, but it is more about the fact that I have come off my antidepressants, and essentially I've had several people in the past three days notice that my passion is back!!! Over the past several months I've noticed that I truly felt "nothing", no emotion what so ever! So, I talked to my primary care doctor about it when I saw him last and he agreed that perhaps I needed to come off my medication. Sooo.....two weeks later my emotions are running rampid and I'm regaining the fire I once had in me. Last night I was at the hospital while my sister was in the ER and I was telling the story of my car being in the shop and how I told the dealership that I would NOT be paying for my car repaired, I bought it Used Certified, and I they would be paying the bill, not me.....my brother looked at me and said "they have medication for that". Later my nieces, Tina, Rhonda and I were talking and Tina said "Where is all this coming from? I haven't seen you like this in years!" I said "I'm not medicated anymore", and they just laughed. Then, this morning in church I my heart was overflowing and I teared up, and the lady sitting next to me asked me if I was okay, and I then explained to her that I am fine, this is really me, and I am not on my medication anymore. Michael had asked me a few years ago, "mom, where is the passion that you used to have?", and I said "I still have passion, I just deal with it differently", well.....Michael...your momma's "passion" is back!!! I say all this to say that while antidepressants are definitely good, and many times over the past several years or so, I could not have survived without them; after all these years, I am having to learn how to live with myself again, hopefully it's not a bad thing, and hopefully those around me will be able to tolerate me!!!

My Journey at a Glance

Dressed to go to a Wedding - Latest Picture

Just TWO More Pounds!!!

Just two more pounds till "Wonderful Onderland"!!! That's right....as of yesterday I am sitting on 201!!! Keith asked me the other day if I had gotten below 200 yet, and I said "have you heard me yell yet?", I assured him that if I had hit it, EVERYBODY would know!

I went to the Central Baptist Weight Loss Seminar Saturday and shared my story with prospective bariatric patients. It helps to get me motivated when I go and share, it reminds me of "why" I did this in the first place. Dr. Weiss asked me how much food I could eat now, and I told him I could actually eat quite a bit, then he asked me what I meant by that. So I said I could eat a McDonald's kids meal with a cheeseburger, without half of the bun, and most of the fries, but maybe not all of them. He then explained to the group that while I feel like I can eat a lot, he pointed out to them that if they went to McDonald's now they would not be satisfied with a kid's meal, and to me it sounds like a lot compared to what I could have eaten just a few months ago, which I wouldn't have probably been able to eat the entire burger, much less any of the fries. That actually helped me put it in perspective too. He's right, before my surgery I definitely could have eaten a Quarter Pounder with a large fry, and drank a coke. No way could I do that now! I also shared with them that I had been stuck for 5 months and had to go see the nutritionist at Dr. Weiss' office to help me get going again. I think it's important that they realize this could happen to them....I didn't realize that I would reach a place where I would "have to struggle" to get the rest of my weight off after surgery. I thought after surgery it would just fall off. While it is much easier to lose weight, there does reach a place where it doesn't just "fall off" anymore. I do have to be extremely careful what I put into my body now.

Also, I did check with Meijer on Reynolds Road and they did not have any of the Walden Farm items. I plan to check with Good Foods this week and see if they have any, will keep you posted.

Saw the Nutritionist Today

Well, I'm down 4 lbs. since I last saw the nutritionist! Go me!...still just 3 lbs. till I fall off into "onederland", but I'm getting there!!! I explained to her that as prepared as I was for what was to come after my bypass, I still struggle with making right choices.....I still want to fill my plate too full at pot lucks, I still LOVE to eat sweets, etc.... Sometimes I still eat out of boredom or emotion....it's all still there! I know there are some people who go into this and are just thinking about "getting skinny again", but I will say that as happy as I am with my results, I am thankful that I truly feel I was as prepared as I could have been for what was to come. That being said though, I think I didn't fully grasp the reality that this is still a "lifetime" process. Now that I am 16 months post-op......I can eat very well and my desire to eat....well, let's just say it is still in tact! I think I may have been fooled by those people who when I would ask them about sweets, etc., and they said "oh, I have no desire for them"; while I do believe that's a possiblity, I think it's more realistic to say that those people have NEVER allowed themselves to eat those things again.....when you're like me (and I do allow those things), however, I AM GOING TO EAT THEM again, so I need to realize that I will have to accept the responsibility that comes with that decision....so....there you go!

She did share a website with me, it's http://www.waldenfarms.com/, and they have all kinds of condiments, syrups, peanut spread, etc. that are all sugar free and calorie free! Woo Hoo!!! I did a store locator and it looks like they sell their products at Good Foods on Southland Drive and at Meijer. I'll be checking it out and let ya'll know.

CBH Weight Loss Website

I've been meaning to post here the CBH weight loss website, I am featured in the home page at
http://cbhweightloss.com/default. This is pretty cool for me. I also forgot in my last post to mention that I had my 6 month check up with my primary care doctor and I am officially off all but two of my medications....both of which are not for weight related problems, my glaucoma eye medication and restless leg medication. I am OFF my blood pressure medication, all my asthma medications, and both my antidepressants. My PCP was very pleased and reminded me (when I mentioned that I still need to lose about 40 more pounds) that I have already reached my goal for having weight loss surgery. He reminded me that a year and a half ago I was over 320 lbs, my blood pressure was like 160/90 something, my asthma was barely controlled, and I could barely walk because of my knee and joint pain. Therefore, IF I never lose another pound, I have definitely accomplished what I set out to achieve by having weight loss surgery and I should be happy with my results, which I am. I am definitely blessed!!!

So Close and Yet So Far!

Still just a few pounds away from Onederland......although I have to admit that I might have gotten there this week if I had just been a little more focused.....oh heck...who am I kidding....more like if I had been "a lot" more focused! Yes, it's been a very challenging week and I have to admit that I've been an "emotional" eater this week. Keith has hurt his back at work again and is off, so I've been worried about finances; and last weekend I didn't get much sleep and was very busy, so I've been extremely tired this week. Therefore, the old habits/ideas of food making me feel better (even though it doesn't), have been running rampid this week. I find when I'm tired I get extremely sloppy with my eating. Gotta work harder and smarter next week!