Struggling!!!

I have moved the scale below 200, but I am really struggling to get it back down.  One of my biggest fears has always been that I will gain my weight back, and right now I am really struggling to not panic about it.  I don't know, maybe I should panic?????  I am journaling again, which is really very important with success in weight loss I have discovered.  I tend to think "oh I didn't eat much today", but then when I go back and reflect on the day, I realize "OH WOW!!!".  Journaling helps me to keep it under control and to stay focused.  I am trying so hard not to fall back into my old habits, but it's really difficult.  Sometimes I worry that I have lost my original focus and reason for having my surgery......to be healthy!

Putting it on the Table.....In Spite of the Embarrassment!!

Okay, so yesterday morning I was mortified when I woke up and weighed, and the scale said 200!!!  I thought "I am not going to tell anyone about this, I refuse to admit it to anyone".  Then as I was thinking about it this morning I realized.....the purpose of my blog is to hold myself accountable.  If I am going to put myself out there, then I need to be totally honest.  Yesterday my sister was talking to someone, and she told them that she felt very fortunate that at the age of 66 she is in better health than either of our three older sister's were at 66.  I realized....hey....that's why I did this surgery to begin with!  Sometimes I am sure I have lost total focus of my whole purpose in the first place.  My addiction with food is definitely still very much alive and I must get it under control NOW!!!  In reviewing my eating habits over the past couple of months, I tried to reflect on what could possibly be the factor/s here that is causing the issue. It's fairly simple....I have been eating peanut butter daily, not good; I have been drinking too many soft drinks, not good; I have been eating too many sweets, not good; and I've been just plain snacking too much, not good!!!  I can turn this around before it gets out of hand, but I have to do it NOW....I can't wait. I must wake up and get this problem under control!

What is My Problem?????

  I seem to just eat and eat and eat.......it's like food is all I have been thinking about lately!  I have such a fear of coming this far and gaining all the weight back, and yet I still continue to eat too much!  It's just like always.....proving the head game goes on and on.  I am still way too close to 200 lbs, to let myself rest at all, it wouldn't take much for me to top over that mark, and yet I would be so angry with myself if I did do that!  Today I decided that I would try having a protein shake for breakfast for a few days, and attempt to watch my calories closer and see if I can start the scale moving downward.  I need to be more vigilant....get thee behind me Satan!!!

August 3, 2012

Had my appointment with my primary care doctor today, and he was thrilled with my blood pressure, my breathing and my weight.  I had lost another 3 lbs since I had seen him in February, and he was very pleased with that.  He told me that he doesn't care if I lose another pound, as long as I don't gain now. 

This week has been a decent week, I have manged to maintain my weight this week. I have been working in the yard, and yard work is actually very good exercise.  This morning I was listening to Joyce Meyer and she was talking about how we allow things to control us, and how if we say we live in the Holy Spirit, we don't have to be controlled by habits. Example for myself: "Those cookies are calling my name".  Well, she said I don't have to be controlled by those cookies, if I live in the spirit I should be able to ignore the cookies and call on the Holy Spirit to help me.  It sounds like a very simple process, and I agree with her, but why isn't it as as simple as it sounds?  While listening to her message I started to reflect on my thoughts about chocolate, ice cream and just sweets in general, I realized that if I could remember to call on the Spirit every time I get tempted I should be able to lose the last 20 lbs. I want to lose.  Therefore, my challenge and/or goal for myself over the next week is to try to concentrate instead of "subconsciensly" eating, and try to focus more on calling on the Holy Spirit to help me draw the line,and see if I can make any headway in my attempt to lose the last 20 pounds.