This is my friend Billie Jo. Billie Jo had surgery two weeks before me, and has now lost 120 lbs., and my total is 115 lbs. Sweet young lady, and am so blessed to have met her through this journey.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Do I Really JUST Love to Eat????
Okay, so yesterday I had a few hours at home to myself so I could clean, and while cleaning I had some time to reflect on some things I really hadn't given much thought to. I posted my link to this blog on my FB and one of my friends asked if she could share it, and my response was "You can. It was very difficult for me in the beginning to divulge so much information about myself, but it's really been kind of healing for me." After spending some time in thought about my statement, I realized that I had used the word "healing", and I began to reflect on what I must have meant by "healing".
In watching The Biggest Loser, I always get really irritated with Jillian Michaels because she's always saying the people need to find out why they're over eating, and work on resolving those issues. It's always irritated me because why does she think every fat person has "issues", why can't it just be they eat because they love to eat? This is what my problem is, right? At least that's what I have always thought....till I realized I used the word "healing". So what did I need healing from???? I reflected on the fact that I shared early on that my weight has always been an issue, however the years where I put on the majority of my weight were very painful years, those years following my mother's passing and yes, I was very depressed through those years. I moved past those years, right? Then I remembered that although I had actually pretty much been able to maintain my weight for many years, I had also gone through a relapse of my depression, so much so that I was having thoughts of suicide. I was sure I would never actually do it, but I was uncomfortable enough that after Keith threatened to have me committed if I didn't get help; I went the doctor and was put on medication for it. I did get better and was better for many years.
Then several years ago, we had some issues come up in our family, and my depression was rearing it's ugly head again, and two years ago my doctor added another medication in addition to what I was taking. It was during that time that I started to gain weight and my weight gain got out of control. It wasn't because of the depression though, it was the medicine,.......I had a hysterectomy and it was for sure going to get better, but it didn't, it got worse, I continued gaining weight. STILL though, I just loved to eat, it had nothing to do with my depression, right????? WELL........MAYBE NOT!!! WHAT???? MAYBE NOT???? It occurred to me as I was reflecting yesterday that I absolutely had underlying issues that had only been covered up by medication........DO WHAT????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Yes, I realized I had ISSUES!!!!
The good news is that today, just nine months after my surgery, I have come off one of my medications completely and have cut the other in half, and am looking forward to coming off of it by the end of Winter. So yes Jillian, I realized that I did have issues that were sabotaging my efforts to lose weight and yes, I was eating myself to death because food was the one friend I had that gave me instant gratification. Unfortunately the long term results of that friendship were not healthy because the food controlled me, today I am learning with each passing day how to control the food!
In watching The Biggest Loser, I always get really irritated with Jillian Michaels because she's always saying the people need to find out why they're over eating, and work on resolving those issues. It's always irritated me because why does she think every fat person has "issues", why can't it just be they eat because they love to eat? This is what my problem is, right? At least that's what I have always thought....till I realized I used the word "healing". So what did I need healing from???? I reflected on the fact that I shared early on that my weight has always been an issue, however the years where I put on the majority of my weight were very painful years, those years following my mother's passing and yes, I was very depressed through those years. I moved past those years, right? Then I remembered that although I had actually pretty much been able to maintain my weight for many years, I had also gone through a relapse of my depression, so much so that I was having thoughts of suicide. I was sure I would never actually do it, but I was uncomfortable enough that after Keith threatened to have me committed if I didn't get help; I went the doctor and was put on medication for it. I did get better and was better for many years.
Then several years ago, we had some issues come up in our family, and my depression was rearing it's ugly head again, and two years ago my doctor added another medication in addition to what I was taking. It was during that time that I started to gain weight and my weight gain got out of control. It wasn't because of the depression though, it was the medicine,.......I had a hysterectomy and it was for sure going to get better, but it didn't, it got worse, I continued gaining weight. STILL though, I just loved to eat, it had nothing to do with my depression, right????? WELL........MAYBE NOT!!! WHAT???? MAYBE NOT???? It occurred to me as I was reflecting yesterday that I absolutely had underlying issues that had only been covered up by medication........DO WHAT????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Yes, I realized I had ISSUES!!!!
The good news is that today, just nine months after my surgery, I have come off one of my medications completely and have cut the other in half, and am looking forward to coming off of it by the end of Winter. So yes Jillian, I realized that I did have issues that were sabotaging my efforts to lose weight and yes, I was eating myself to death because food was the one friend I had that gave me instant gratification. Unfortunately the long term results of that friendship were not healthy because the food controlled me, today I am learning with each passing day how to control the food!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Friday, January 14th, 2011
I just realized that it's the middle of January already!!! WOW!!! Time marches on. This has been the most awesome week, Keith went back to work and I have lost......4 lbs.!!! My total loss is 115 lbs now and I'm just 55 lbs from reaching my goal!!! Yes, I am so happy.
I threw up last night for the first time in months.....not exactly sure why, but I had eaten a couple of carrot sticks and then ate some left over meatloaf, and my stomach hurt for about 30 minutes, and then up it came. Not sure if I hadn't chewed the food good, or if the meatloaf on top of the carrots did it, or what. I just know that I was so glad when I finally got rid of it.
I'm still amazed by new found energy level. I got out last night and went to Ulta and was excited that I got three cans of hair spray for less than $8 each. They were buy two, get one free and then I had a gift card for $10, so my cost was less than $8 for a three month supply of hair spray....woo hoo.....I love to save money!!! After Ulta I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and then decided to go see a $1 movie, so Marissa and I went to see "Life As We Know It". Cute movie, and a tear jerker (if you're that kind of person). Just as soon as six months ago when I would get home in the evening, all I wanted to do was sit and watch TV......now I'm ready to go!!!
I've been thinking about my mom a lot through the holidays and then her birthday coming up soon, just makes me wish she were here with me. I miss her so much, she was truly the wisest person I've ever known, and with every pound I lose she's more of an inspiration to me. I can almost hear her cheering me on!
I threw up last night for the first time in months.....not exactly sure why, but I had eaten a couple of carrot sticks and then ate some left over meatloaf, and my stomach hurt for about 30 minutes, and then up it came. Not sure if I hadn't chewed the food good, or if the meatloaf on top of the carrots did it, or what. I just know that I was so glad when I finally got rid of it.
I'm still amazed by new found energy level. I got out last night and went to Ulta and was excited that I got three cans of hair spray for less than $8 each. They were buy two, get one free and then I had a gift card for $10, so my cost was less than $8 for a three month supply of hair spray....woo hoo.....I love to save money!!! After Ulta I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and then decided to go see a $1 movie, so Marissa and I went to see "Life As We Know It". Cute movie, and a tear jerker (if you're that kind of person). Just as soon as six months ago when I would get home in the evening, all I wanted to do was sit and watch TV......now I'm ready to go!!!
I've been thinking about my mom a lot through the holidays and then her birthday coming up soon, just makes me wish she were here with me. I miss her so much, she was truly the wisest person I've ever known, and with every pound I lose she's more of an inspiration to me. I can almost hear her cheering me on!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
WOO HOO!!!! I FINALLY BROKE MY STALL!!!!!
Wow what an awesome day, I finally lost two more pounds this morning!!!! That puts me at 113 lbs total GONE!!!! Just 13 pounds away from ONEDERLAND!!!! Can you tell I'm excited? I was starting to get worried, even though I knew better, I couldn't help it! Not sure exactly what I did to get it going again, but I really don't care as long as it did.
Tonight I made a meatloaf for dinner and Michael and Dianne ended up being the only ones to eat it. I have decided to try just having protein shakes for dinner for a few nights to try to rev things up a little and so did Keith. I'm going to take mine for lunch tomorrow. Keith went back to work today and I am just praying so hard that God will keep a hedge of protection around him and keep him there.....we really need this year to be our "come back" year. The past six years have been really rough for us in many ways, and I would like to think we are due a break, I just pray God agrees with me.....and if not.....then I'm sure we'll deal with it!
Tonight I made a meatloaf for dinner and Michael and Dianne ended up being the only ones to eat it. I have decided to try just having protein shakes for dinner for a few nights to try to rev things up a little and so did Keith. I'm going to take mine for lunch tomorrow. Keith went back to work today and I am just praying so hard that God will keep a hedge of protection around him and keep him there.....we really need this year to be our "come back" year. The past six years have been really rough for us in many ways, and I would like to think we are due a break, I just pray God agrees with me.....and if not.....then I'm sure we'll deal with it!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
NEW YEAR!!!
I'm really lacking in my blogging these days, mostly because there really hasn't been much to tell. My total loss is 111 lbs, which is what it has been since November 7th......no loss in four whole weeks! I am feeling very frustrated on one hand and on the other hand I realize that I did eat more than I should have through the holidays, including sugar, and not to have gained was a wonder in itself. On the other hand, Christmas was almost two weeks ago, and I still haven't lost anything, and I am feeling a bit frustrated. Clearly not much has changed, as I am still as always in the past when I've let go, am struggling to get myself back on track. ANYWAY.....I am ready to see a loss on the scale again and am still hoping that I will be able to pull off 15 lbs before my birthday so I can fall below the 200 lb mark!
Hope everyone had a good New Year's and am praying for all of you in addition to myself that we have a better 2011 than 2010. When I mentioned to Brock though how awful 2010 was, he named all the good things that happened in 2010, and made me realize that I really am blessed even though at times I feel like I am spinning my wheels in the dust! Fortunately for us Keith is returning to work on Monday. I ask that you please pray for him that God will place a hedge of protection over his body so that he will be able to work this year and help us move past some of the dreadful debt we are in. Some days I feel like I am sinking, and have you been to the grocery store lately?????? PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS!!!! Higher gas prices, higher electric, water, cable, groceries, taxes and insurance, already feeling like I'm drowning and on top of that; NO RAISE FOR 2011....THANK YOU PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!! I'm not bitter! :)
Hope everyone had a good New Year's and am praying for all of you in addition to myself that we have a better 2011 than 2010. When I mentioned to Brock though how awful 2010 was, he named all the good things that happened in 2010, and made me realize that I really am blessed even though at times I feel like I am spinning my wheels in the dust! Fortunately for us Keith is returning to work on Monday. I ask that you please pray for him that God will place a hedge of protection over his body so that he will be able to work this year and help us move past some of the dreadful debt we are in. Some days I feel like I am sinking, and have you been to the grocery store lately?????? PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS!!!! Higher gas prices, higher electric, water, cable, groceries, taxes and insurance, already feeling like I'm drowning and on top of that; NO RAISE FOR 2011....THANK YOU PRESIDENT OBAMA!!!! I'm not bitter! :)
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Post Christmas Post
Hope everyone had a great Christmas and looking forward to a new year! The Carroll's had a great Christmas, and believe me I am looking forward to a new year......I won't say it can't get worse, but after many years of awful years, I am thinking/praying I am due a good one for a change!
Boy did I enduldge in food over the holiday....I've had cookies, pie, cake and candy! NEVER GOT SICK!!! I hoped I would, however I will say that even though I didn't "dump" on them, I don't feel really good when I eat a lot of sugar. You would think that would be enough, but obviously not, which I'm sure most of you understand. The good news is I did not gain any weight over the holiday, but I'm sure that's because I'm only eight months out from surgery; I'm thinking I better not count on that by the time next Christmas rolls around. My taste buds are returning to normal and I am loving sweets again.....if you remember early on in my blog I couldn't stand the taste of anything sweet, unfortunately that didn't last. Now I guess it will be up to me to be strong!
Since October 10th I've only lost 11 pounds, and while it's good that I'm losing slower, I hope I will pick up just a little more....I would like to fall below 200 lbs by my birthday, which is coming up in February. Guess I better start moving more! I have sort of fallen off the exercise wagon. I could give all kinds of excuses, but that's really all they would be is excuses. I don't have young children anymore, so it's not like I'm sooooo.....busy like I used to be!
Hope everyone has a great New Year!
Boy did I enduldge in food over the holiday....I've had cookies, pie, cake and candy! NEVER GOT SICK!!! I hoped I would, however I will say that even though I didn't "dump" on them, I don't feel really good when I eat a lot of sugar. You would think that would be enough, but obviously not, which I'm sure most of you understand. The good news is I did not gain any weight over the holiday, but I'm sure that's because I'm only eight months out from surgery; I'm thinking I better not count on that by the time next Christmas rolls around. My taste buds are returning to normal and I am loving sweets again.....if you remember early on in my blog I couldn't stand the taste of anything sweet, unfortunately that didn't last. Now I guess it will be up to me to be strong!
Since October 10th I've only lost 11 pounds, and while it's good that I'm losing slower, I hope I will pick up just a little more....I would like to fall below 200 lbs by my birthday, which is coming up in February. Guess I better start moving more! I have sort of fallen off the exercise wagon. I could give all kinds of excuses, but that's really all they would be is excuses. I don't have young children anymore, so it's not like I'm sooooo.....busy like I used to be!
Hope everyone has a great New Year!
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